I've had really good intentions of writing the past few days. I'm filled with exciting things to share. I'm bubbling over, in fact.
Even with my lower than optimal energy levels I've been managing to move forward-- and I miss blogging.
Here's what I've been up to since I last wrote:
Completed another marathon mile. Drew my first really detailed face, thanks to the Fabulous Faces course that Tam offers at Willowing.org. Signed up for a year-long mixed media art journaling course called LifeBook. It is focused on healing and growth -- and is taught by 15 fabulous teachers. It starts January 1st. And while lying on the couch with my laptop I found a gazillion inspiring art videos I wanted to share with you.
But sharing all that will all have to wait for another day.
The thing is, I am completely zapped again. Feeling like someone slipped me sleeping pills.
And I am alternating between acceptance of my situation, breaking down crying with exhaustion, and complete frustration over not being able to do what I think I *should* be doing and/or what I really WANT to be doing.
In the meantime, the couch and I are becoming best friends- and I await the verdict as to whether I am facing chronic Lyme in addition to adrenal exhaustion. Yipeeee!
So, everything is on hold until further notice, but I am still here and still creating art in my head. And knowing it will make its way onto the canvas or paper soon enough. That's the good news.
The irony of hurrying to finish Mile #9 this morning so that I could immediately paint over it and get right on to Mile #10 was not lost on my observant partner. Yes, I know. A bit crazy.
Then again, crazy is nothing new here. Heehee!
I started on Mile #9 a few days ago and hadn't come to a place that seemed worthy of "completion" -- and I felt like it had potential, so I kept trying. In Mile #9 we were asked to paint a house with rounded corners, a few hills, and a tree and a house in the background.
It started here:
Filled in some colors. Kind of randomly. Knowing I can always make changes.
But it felt disjointed and like it was missing something. This was one of the times when I wished I had an actual art background, so I might know what to do to "fix" it.
But I enjoy playing around so I kept going...
After seeing the weird colors I insisted on another layer. Now it has even weirder colors! Not sure what I think, other than I was happy to be done at this point.
Maybe I kind of, sort of like it...
Maybe I need some affirmations about loving all my creations!
Being done with Mile #9 meant that I could jump into Mile #10. YeeHaw!
I was feeling so inspired to paint today, I had a little bit of an argument with my energy levels -- and I won. For now.
VICTORY!! I get to move on to Mile #10. Go me!
Mile #10 had lots of funky flowers all having a jamboree together. I liked the potential of this mile and jumped right in.
Isn't that the way it is in life? Something gets us going, makes our heart excitedly skip a beat, and we just know we need to do *that*! No matter the obstacles.
What is it that gets you going?
Here's how the flower jamboree burst into life:
I'm really enjoying the practice of not painting over the previous layer before I start. I love just jumping in and seeing how the old influences the new. Love seeing the interplay of where I have been and where I am going.
Geez, seems like painting is a lot like life.
I decided I was in a red and yellow mood. And I stopped the voices that said "You always use too much red. Why can't you diversify? You're stuck in a rut!" I stopped them by just acknowledging that I do, indeed, like to use red and yellow -- and that's okay. No need to worry little, scared, judgemental part of me.
It's even okay to have red leaves and stems. It's okay. It's just a painting. No one's getting hurt. It's okay.
What are the voices inside of you that need loving and soothing?
For some reason I feel like I could paint this painting a million times and never get tired of it. So many possibilities and combinations.
Okay. I exaggerate. A million times would be crazy making.
But it might be fun to do the "same" painting a few times and see what happens.
What do you think?
In this moment, feeling pretty good about how this little flower jamboree turned out. Red leaves, stems, and all.
And feeling good that I am just doing the work and following my heart. I'm not sure where all this painting and writing is leading, but I am learning to trust that what I am drawn to doing is always the next step on my path.